Here I am at 20 years old with a boyfriend count of zero. 

I wish I could say that I’m simply not in a relationship right now, but the truth is, singleness has been the story of my life. 

I guess I’m what my friends and I call “chronically single.”

I’m not going to lie, it’s an awful feeling watching my friends be in happily committed relationships while I rewatch “How To Lose a Guy in 10 Days” just to feel something.

It seems like every piece of media I consume is centered on relationships. I can’t scroll on TikTok or read a book without a lovey-dovey couple being shoved in my face.

I know I sound jealous, but truth be told, I am. There’s a social stigma that denotes women and men who aren’t in relationships as having something wrong with them.

Sure, we all have our flaws, but there is nothing foundationally wrong with not being in a relationship. 

On a college campus especially, there’s a culture that feeds off single individuals. With a strong hook-up scene, those who choose not to participate are the odd ones out. 

I’m not insinuating a hook up is always going to precede a solid relationship, but weirder things have happened. 

With this being said, I’m no stranger to the looks or blank stares I get when I tell people that I don’t have a boyfriend — as if it’s some guaranteed amendment right. 

As I continue to navigate my “chronic singleness,” I’ve taken away a few things that don’t make the waiting game as lonely.

The first step is acknowledging that a relationship is something that I want, but realizing that I’m not a worse person because I lack it.

So many of my amazing friends aren’t in relationships, and I would never think less of them for it, meaning the same goes for myself.

On days when I’ve seen one too many couples downtown, I first absently complain to whoever I’m walking with, but after I’ve done my fair share of moping, I remind myself that looks can be deceiving. 

What looks like a happy couple could be a relationship that is mentally, physically and emotionally abusive, in which being single is better than the current situation. 

There are exceptions, but no matter what, there’s a lot of baggage that comes with intertwining lives with another individual. 

If HDFS 129: Introduction to Human Development and Family Studies taught me anything, it’s that we’re all responsible for our own happiness.

Right now, my source of happiness isn’t in the form of a relationship, and that’s OK. 

It comes in the form of phone calls with my best friend and iced cold chai.

Learn to fall in love with a new coffee shop, the falling leaves and the version of yourself that doesn’t need romantic validation. 

Distinguishing between the desire for a relationship and my need to be the best version of myself for the people who do truly love me has changed the way I view being single. 

Fortunately, both mindsets can coexist. I can be satisfied with my current life, and still yearn for the dream life 16-year-old me thought she would have after watching one too many rom-coms.

Stop waiting for someone to buy you flowers — go to the store and pick the ones you love. Don’t wait for someone to come and sweep you off your feet, take charge of the life you want to live.  

Fall in love with yourself and not the boy who doesn’t give you the time of day. 

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