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Biden Press Secretary Cracks Marianne Williamson ‘Crystal Ball’ Joke
The press secretary for President Joe Biden, Karine Jean-Pierre, is not psychic, but she feels convinced Marianne Williamson’s presidential bid will fail. Pierre, unable to contain a chuckle, stated at a press conference on Monday, “I’m just not tracking that.” “If I had a small… crystal ball, I would be able to tell you. A…
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Ford Patents Tech Enabling Vehicles to Repo Themselves
Ford has registered for a patent on a technology that enables automobiles to self-repossess. If owners disregard alerts about missed payments, the system deactivates services such as the radio, GPS, air conditioning, and cruise control. Then, when the driver is present, it may emit loud and obnoxious sounds, and eventually, it could lock the owner…
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‘Cop City’ Protesters Face Domestic Terrorism Charges from Atlanta Police
The Atlanta Police Department has charged 23 individuals with domestic terrorism following Sunday night’s violent protests against the controversial “cop city” training facility. According to police, “agitators” staged an “organized attack” on the proposed facility’s location. Sunday night, Police Chief Darryl Schierbaum stated, “This is not a demonstration.” This constitutes criminal action. Additionally, he stated…
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Feds Say Unruly Passenger Tried to Stab Flight Attendant And Open Plane Door
A Massachusetts man is charged with trying to open an emergency escape door on a United Airlines flight on Sunday and stabbing a flight attendant with a broken spoon. He is now facing charges. According to a criminal complaint, during the safety briefing on the Los Angeles-to-Boston trip, Francisco Severo Torres, 33, asked his seatmate…
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Altria Sells Juul Stock, Buys NJOY
Altria has announced its intention to acquire NJOY for $2.75 billion in cash just days after selling its investment in Juul Labs, another vaping business now embroiled in legal problems. CEO Billy Gifford stated in a press release, “We believe we can responsibly accelerate the adoption of NJOY ACE among U.S. adult smokers and competitive…
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Trump Twitter Bots Dunking on DeSantis
According to new research provided by the Associated Press, a vast bot network on Twitter is showering praise on former President Donald Trump while maligning his critics and political opponents. The operation utilizes tens of thousands, if not hundreds of thousands, of bot accounts created in April, October, and November 2022, according to the findings…
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Toblerone Drops Signature Design Due to ‘Swissness’ Regulations
As a result of shifting some production to Slovakia, the producers of Toblerone are removing images of the Matterhorn and the Swiss flag from the packaging of the milk-chocolate confection. Mondelez International of Deerfield, Illinois, which owns the Swiss-born brand, said on Monday that it is changing the packaging of Toblerone products to meet strict…
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WeightWatchers Bets on Ozempic in New Deal: Report
There’s a good chance you’ve heard about Ozempic, the season’s hottest new weight-loss medicine, which, according to a recent feature in New York Magazine, has “all the gays at CAA… shitting their brains out” and slimming down to size zero. Like any miracle treatment that achieves public popularity, there are still skeptics and believers, but…
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SiriusXM Reduces 8% Staffing, Citing Recession Concerns
SiriusXM announced on Monday that it is cutting off 8 percent of its personnel, or approximately 475 employees, in reaction to slowing subscriber growth, joining Spotify, Microsoft, and Google. The satellite radio company issued a warning earlier this year that it anticipated a decline in customers in 2023 due to widespread worries about a recession.…
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UMass Issues Warning on TikTok Drinking Trend Following 28 EMS Responses
The University of Massachusetts has warned about a TikTok drinking trend after 28 ambulances were dispatched to parties off-campus. On Saturday, students were seen carrying jugs containing alcohol, electrolytes, flavoring, and water, called “blackout rage gallons” or “BORGs.” “The fad of binge drinking is gaining a hold on TikTok, according to officials. According to officials,…