It’s been nearly 10 years since Michele Fitzgerald was crowned the winner of Survivor Season 32, but she’s still haunted by comments that the $1 million victory was undeserving. However, years later, the reality star has been able to block out the noise and celebrate her feat.

“You know, a win is a win. I have a million dollars in my bank account,” she said on the Wednesday, January 15, premiere episode of her new podcast, The Social Game, with fellow Survivor alum Kellie Nalbandian. “But I will say, what I’ve learned from reality TV in general is that sometimes when you win, it feels like a loss, and sometimes when you lose, it feels like a win. And that was my win for me. I’m very poetic. In some ways, it was, for me, the biggest moment of my life. I was 24 years old, I was so green. I really didn’t even know what a confessional was. I just went in and played my heart out and thought the narrative would reflect that.”