J.J. Martin arrived in Milan in August 2001 after deciding to risk it all and move to the home country of her boyfriend, Andrea (he’s now her husband.) The California native left behind a tony job as the marketing director at Calvin Klein and a life of hustle and grind in New York City. In the years since, Martin has established herself as a somewhat accidental American connoisseur of Italian style, a woman who has adopted “la dolce vita” to her core and built a brand around its playful, free-flowing aesthetic.

After several years as a Milan-based fashion correspondent for Fashion Wire Daily and later the International Herald Tribune and Harper’s Bazaar, Martin launched her own collection of ready-to-wear called La DoubleJ in 2015, designed with effortless silhouettes and dizzying vintage-inspired prints. She’s grown the business exponentially since then, opening a storefront in Milan and adding a line of homewares as well as more fashion offerings from accessories to outerwear. And today, Martin can officially call herself an author too: her new book titled Mamma Milano has been released online.

The book is a love letter to Italy, and to Milan in particular. The name Mamma Milano is a reference to the powerful feminine spirit of the city that she feels has guided her on her journey since touching down there 22 years ago. While she was first approached about writing a book about all things entertaining and style, Martin said that she really wanted it to feel un-superficial, something that could perhaps be used to inspire or direct people within their everyday lives. “I wanted to tell the real story of my own personal journey here, and show people that the path our success with La DoubleJ and my eventual infatuation with this country was not always super rosy,” she told Bazaar over email.

Indeed, Martin points out low moments, stressful moments, moments of existential crisis—but she maintains a positive bent, with a hopefulness gleaned from having lived through epic change. “Our lives are documented all over social in such a slick, idealized way, particularly in this moment, I felt this need to be very authentic and honest – it wasn’t all a dolce vita cliché!” she said. “I think it’s important to let people behind the scenes a bit, to help them understand the backstory behind any level of success achieved, because there are obviously a lot of pitfalls, chaos, and harebrained, frustrated, dark moments along the way. The book is a mix of all of that.”

Much of the book’s tone is certainly cheery, but the real magic of Martin and her unique voice is that she is and has always been totally and unapologetically herself–authentic, charming, cheeky, focused, driven, and always, always creative. She hopes that this book will inspire others to make something too, tangible or not, and to do so for themselves and themselves only. “I really hope that they are just inspired to create,” she said. “To have the courage to embrace and surrender to any difficulty and shadows in their life and create things from their own heart space, no matter how grandiose or tiny that creation might be.”

The inspirations and the lessons in Mamma Milano are many, and Martin admits it’s hard to choose which are most important to her right now. She does say, however, that “the single most powerful thing that I’ve learned is that all of this, everything that is happening to me–the good, the bad, the frustrating, the fantastic—is all here for my greater good, my greater expansion. Everything is a lesson to be learned from.”

Below, here are five heartfelt lessons we could all use, right now and always, from Martin, excerpted from the delightful Mamma Milano.

1. In Italy, family and personal relationships rule absolutely everything: “Things happen not because you pay more or ask for it nicely (or get pushy and demand it). They happen because you chat, you listen, you share, you appreciate what someone has made or done, and everyone bounces home happier and better than when they arrived”
2. Spontaneity is the special sauce of life: “I’ve now sided with the Italians. Too much planning can stifle the magic of a moment; you miss the mysterious sauce of life that wants to swirl around you and carry you off to unexpected happiness–if you are open to it.”
3. Relax–it’s no big deal!: “Italians are big on personal freedom. What you do (within reasonable limits) is your choice. They don’t have a sense of retribution and punishment or try to put you in your place. Italians are easy on others, and most of all, they are easy on themselves. This allows the heart to stay open so that everyone can sit down to properly enjoy a plate of pasta together.”
4. Play your pants off: “The benefits of play are foreign to Americans, who firmly believe in ‘no pain no gain.’ The Italians place much more importance on enjoying life than on parlaying it into a fortune or a corner-office career. Play is a relaxant, a lubricant, and puts you in a receptive state that says to the universe ‘I want to flow with life and enjoy it.’”
5. Emote Endlessly: “Italians are fantastic at this heart elasticity. I began to wonder why I couldn’t express the same degree of feeling–or come down from it quickly. I was judging myself for even having the emotion. If you do it like an Italian, you just let the feeling spew fourth like a geyser, without any judgment or self-awareness. This was a huge lesson in letting emotions burst and glide, rather than clamp or cling. Imagine if the whole world recuperated and reconciled this fast, too?”

Fashion News Director

Brooke Bobb is the fashion news director at Harper’s Bazaar, working across print and digital platforms. Previously, she was a senior content editor at Amazon Fashion, and worked at Vogue Runway as senior fashion news writer.