Britney Spears‘ fans have been wondering if life after the conservatorship means that the pop princess will make a return to music, this time on her own terms. Unfortunately, she has no current plans to do so, according to her upcoming memoir The Woman in Me.

The New York Times reports that Spears speaks candidly about how the conservatorship squashed all of her motivation to continue making music. “My music was my life, and the conservatorship was deadly for that; it crushed my soul,” she writes. Spears goes on to detail how particularly frustrating it was to have no say in her own Las Vegas revue.

“When I wanted to perform my favorite songs, like ‘Change Your Mind’ or ‘Get Naked,’ they wouldn’t let me,” she continues. “It felt like they wanted to embarrass me rather than let me give my fans the best possible performance.”

Since the conservatorship ended, Spears has appeared on songs with Elton John and Will.I.Am, but creating more music is no longer at the forefront of her mind. “Pushing forward in my music career is not my focus at the moment,” she says. “It’s time for me not to be someone who other people want; it’s time to actually find myself.”

Spears’ memoir is out on October 24.