Strategies for post-retirement

Aside from being a sympathetic ear, the best way friends can help, van der Merwe said, is by showing athletes the different options they have after hanging up the jersey.

“The best teachers are our peers, our friends and the ones who’ve done that before,” van der Merwe said. “You’ve had conversations with people that can help you, but maybe there’s opportunities within your friends’ work. They can ask their colleagues, their bosses, whatever. Is there an opportunity here? Talk about what courses you took or what plan you set out for yourself. Who did you speak to? Which course did you take online or did you study for something extra? What did you do in the meantime?”

The job options are vast, and his friends’ career choices are proof of that. Just looking around the table van der Merwe was at two months ago, three of his friends have started their own real estate company. Another is selling tower cranes.

“Everyone doesn’t know, ‘I want to be a doctor or I want to be this. I want to do that’,” van der Merwe said. “There’s so many jobs out there that you would never think of, like selling a crane. This friend doesn’t have a degree, but who would think of selling a crane? I don’t even know how you could go about that. So, it’s conversation like that.”

And when it comes to timing these conversations, it is also never too early to start talking.

While professional rugby careers are short – spanning roughly from 18 years old to a maximum 36 – van der Merwe encourages players to spend that time preparing for the life after. This could include doing internships during the off-season, having conversations with companies in the industry or people who have already made the transition.

And while the players are doing that, it is helpful for the people around them to check up on them from time to time. When doing so, van der Merwe encourages people not simply to ask their friends how they are, but asking them how they are on a scale of one to 10.

“Having someone answering you on a scale, you can compare your own notes to like, ‘Hey, well, a month ago you were here and now you’re here’,” he said. “So whether things are going better or worse, then you can alter the way you speak. It’s a tone, how you speak to the person. If they’re really down, you’ve got to be more sympathetic. If they’re up on the scale, then you could be more positive.”

The key is to step away from stereotypical locker room talk and have more honest, compassionate conversations.

“The way we used to deliver the message back in the day in rugby was just, ‘Suck it up, play on‘. We could all play through injuries and you got to be careful with the way nowadays how you deliver that message,” van der Merwe said. “We need to focus on our mental toughness as much as we’re doing on our physical toughness. We all love going to the gym, going for runs and we’re actively fit. But are we mentally fit? Are we preparing for disaster years down the line?”