Colbert said both public media entities are “already operating on a shoestring budget — Daniel Tiger can’t even afford to wear pants.”
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‘Bert and Ernie Have Wives Now’
Earlier this week, the Trump administration announced plans to rescind $1.1 billion in federal funding from NPR and PBS.
On Wednesday, Stephen Colbert worried that both public media entities are “already operating on a shoestring budget — Daniel Tiger can’t even afford to wear pants.”
“And with the administration calling the shots, it could mean changes to public programming. So NPR fans, get ready for ‘Fresh Air’ to become ‘Cough Cough,’ and PBS fans can look forward to ‘Sesame Street: Bert and Ernie Have Wives Now.’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The White House says PBS funding does not ‘align with the Trump administration’s priorities,’ including a PBS program from 2022 about a transgender woman who comes out to members of their bowling league in Ohio. OK, well I get that, ’cause America can’t be allowed to find out that trans people bowl. Because then, other trans bowlers might bowl as well, and if the bowling alleys allow — the pins are women, the pins clearly are women, and the balls are boys, if you use two balls, and then, and then, and then where do the fingers go? I’m not sure where that — and the bowling shoe spray turns my feet into women? I don’t … What would the problem be?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Punchiest Punchlines (Round Trip Edition)
“So the plan, as I understand it, I’m sure we’ll get more details, is if you’re an undocumented immigrant, Trump wants you to go home, but if you’re good at home, he will get you back into the country. They will fly you out of the country and then bring you back. Who came up with this plan, Spirit Airlines?” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“You know, usually when Trump offers an immigrant money and plane tickets to go away, it’s because he’s getting divorced. Melania is like, ‘Am I eligible for this?’” — JIMMY KIMMEL
“[imitating Trump] I mean, what can we do? America is a gentle, passive giant that would never put pressure on a sovereign nation. Now, then, Denmark, suck on these tariffs and gimme-gimme Greenland.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
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