Pay Dirt is Slate’s money advice column. Have a question? Send it to Athena and Elizabeth here. (It’s anonymous!)

Dear Pay Dirt,

My sister has asked me to work with a few of her friends to throw her an extravagant bridal shower.

As a part of this, she is expecting each her friends to pay for a significant portion of the costs of event because she has done the same for several of them or knows they have done the same for other friends. I’m feeling uncomfortable asking her friends out right for this kind of money, especially since I would never do that with my own friends and none of them have volunteered to chip in financially on their own (though they all seem to be in stable well-paying jobs and a couple could probably afford it). I’m leaning toward figuring out a way to pay for this party myself to avoid any awkwardness, but it will cost a pretty penny. Should I just bite the bullet and ask for the money, since they are her friends (not mine) and this is what she wants?

—Cautious Collector

Dear Cautious Collector, 

It sounds like your sister is worried her friends won’t extend the same grand gesture that she has extended to them. Unfortunately, she is setting you up to be the one who is forced to have that difficult conversation (and possibly as the enforcer, too), so she doesn’t have to worry about it. We all know that telling someone you barely know that they need to pay for someone’s event is awkward for all parties involved.

You don’t need to tell your sister whether you agree with her stance on this. But do let her know that while you can still plan the party, she needs to be the one to talk to her friends about her wedding expectations before you move forward. Share that it’s awkward for you to ask her friends about the money, and this way, everyone can be on the same page before you set things in motion.

If she refuses, don’t foot the bill. Instead, explain to her how much you are personally willing to spend on the event and what the event will look like if she doesn’t have the conversation. That might give her the push she needs. If they do agree to help pay, make it as easy as possible. If you haven’t already, set up an account on a money transfer app like Venmo or CashApp or consider using Zelle for an easy bank-to-bank transfer. Another suggestion is to let her friends take turns paying for individual items for the party. One can pay for decorations, one can pay for food, etc. If no one chips in, well, that’s on her to figure out.

—Athena

Classic Prudie

My girlfriend took a deep dive into British-themed TV—The Crown, Downton Abbey, Fleabag, Bridgerton—over the course of the pandemic. She has adopted an affected accent that sounds vaguely British in both vocabulary and her inflection. Her vowels sound strange, and she phrases all her questions in a very “British” way.