I’ve been coming at artificial intelligence (AI) all wrong. I’ve been overly focused the negative aspects and have forgotten the benefits. The biggest benefit involves doing tasks that we don’t really want to do ourselves.
One area is Christmas shopping. Let’s make your choices easier with some AI-themed Christmas presents that, if they don’t exist yet, they should.
– your Christmas present shopping AI companion. Originally developed for buying presents for children it is now expanded to all ungrateful family members. SantAI deploys as a listening device in your house and tracks the approximately three million words spoken by your children about what they want from Santy.
It will record their reaction to last year’s present, and how much they played with it. It also researches the latest scarcely believable fads that will appear in October, watches all of the weird trends on TikTok and then using a complex algorithm suggest something that they might possibly like. And if they don’t you can blame the AI.
AI has also made great strides recently in the area of conflict resolution. Introducing – the AI-driven guide for arguments in real life. Say you’re arguing with your spouse and they say something like “No that’s fine. You go out and enjoy yourself.” It’s clearly not fine but not everyone can pick up on those signals.
AIWouldntGoThere uses voice recognition to understand when someone is CLEARLY NOT FINE and you should start listening and stop saying stupid sentences and then sends little prompts to your watch for what to say. “Why don’t you tell me about your day?” or “How can I make this better?”.
Perfect also for meetings when someone asks you a question they already know the answer to and rather than making a tool of yourself, it predicts what they’re up to and suggests a little prompt to ask them to “Ok c’mon spit it out”.
The – probably one of the most powerful AIs ever built helps you fill out a grant application for arts money from the government. It helps cut the time it takes to fill out the section “Describe your own work in 200 words” to as little as 10 minutes when previously it could take as much as three weeks.
It works on the basis that AI doesn’t care how shite you are. It cheerfully goes through all the pain of dissecting the crud you’ve written and reassembles it to make it look like you need money for the next intersectional Glengarry Glen Ross. You’ll have government funds coming out your hoop.
. The large language model which listens to conversations on the bus or train and using Big Data and Someone’s Cousin, fills you in on what they’re talking about. It’ll pick up on a simple dialogue like “have you heard from the Other Fella?” “No, not what happened with His Nibs” and research the back story in seconds so that you know exactly what chipper the fight was in on Leaving Cert Night.
And finally, back to conflict resolution. Mention AI and cars and people tense up. They imagine self-driving cars that fail the trolley test, malfunctioning robots that don’t believe a Yaris is a car and go right through it. There are definite disadvantages. A self-driving car will never flash its lights at you to say there’s a speedvan up ahead. It won’t give salutes to People Who Would Get Odd. But it could bring itself to the NCT. Do all that powerless waiting for you.
But what about – a road-rage reduction AI buddy? It chats you through situations with morons. If someone is drifting into your lane, it will do the shouting for you so that you can appear to be the reasonable one.
And finally . An AI app that reads all the columns on AI so you don’t have to.