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I didn’t have much of an idea about how to start today’s column until I started looking at the games and picking them.
Implosion, that’s the theme that comes to mind today. Remember, an implosion is like an explosion, except everything is falling in onto itself. Kind of like an explosion without all the shrapnel flying everywhere. Much more peaceful, if you’re standing about a half-mile away.
It’s like there’s a bunch of NFL teams that are just imploding right in front of our eyes.
The New York Jets, who really have been doing it for awhile, specifically since the fourth play of the season when Aaron Rodgers went down with his ripped Achilles.
I know that makes all you Green Bay Packers fans so sad to see that. Ha!
So without further ado, let me apply this implosion theory to a whole bunch of this week’s games:
Thursday, 12:30 p.m.
Green Bay at Detroit — Actually, no implosion here, though one looked threatening on the horizon for both these teams until the Packers pulled out last week’s win — and Detroit came back in a big way vs. Chicago. Hmm … I think both their opponents are on implosion alert. Green Bay’s got a ways to go to show they can play a good team at their place, especially on its traditional holiday. Lions, 34-24.
Thursday, 4:30 p.m.
Washington at Dallas — Ah, our first true implosion candidate. Any team that can’t keep up with the New York Giants automatically must be going down the tubes, considering some distant relative of Danny DeVito — Tommy DeVito — is manning the quarterback position for that New York team. Cowboys, 33-7.
Thursday, 8:20 p.m.
San Francisco at Seattle — The Seahawks sure stunk up the joint last weekend, which I’m seeing as an implosion setting. 49ers, 38-16.
Friday, 3 p.m.
Miami at New York Jets — When you watch Northern Michigan University grad Robert Saleh answer questions at the podium, you sure could see the imploding look on his face. He had no idea how to answer a lot of the questions posed. Looks like it won’t bother me when I can’t find this game on any of my cable TV channels. Dolphins, 28-3.
Sunday, 1 p.m.
New Orleans at Atlanta — The Falcons are, you guessed it, imploding before our very eyes. Coming off a bye, their previous game was a loss at Arizona, the measuring stick for bad football this season even as Kyler Murray has come back from his nearly year-long injury. Saints, 30-19.
Pittsburgh at Cincinnati — The implosion in Cincy is full-on with QB Joe Burrow out for the season. Steelers, 24-13.
Jacksonville at Houston — Ah … a refreshing matchup of competitive teams. But give me hotshot, young-gun, C.J. Stroud as Houston’s QB. Texans, 31-24.
Tampa Bay at Indianapolis — No implosions here, but these are like two of those stars that are circling way too close to a black hole. One major — maybe even minor — slip and we’ll never see you again. I’ll take the home team here. Colts, 27-20.
New England at New York Giants — The implosion will be called off for one week in Foxborough, considering the team they’re playing is full-on exploding. To heck with imploding! Patriots, 23-19.
Carolina at Tennessee — The Panthers are bad, but so is Tennessee. Maybe just not quite as bad. Titans, 17-11.
Sunday, 4 p.m.
Los Angeles Rams at Arizona — The rest of the Cardinals are so bad that it’ll take a superhuman effort for Kyler Murray to beat anyone other than their fellow dregs of the league. Rams, 23-16.
Cleveland at Denver — Two up-and-comers. Gotta go with the hottest hand. Broncos, 22-15.
Kansas City at Las Vegas — The Raiders proved it was the opposition — both New York teams — and not as much the coaching change that helped them for a couple weeks. Chiefs, 37-20.
Buffalo at Philadelphia — I’d call this a trap game if Philly was on the road. But it’s not. Eagles, 20-13.
Sunday, 8:20 p.m.
Baltimore at Los Angeles Chargers — Finally, our last truly imploding team, the Chargers. But they’ve been doing this for a couple of years. Maybe it’s really just rot and decay making all the trusses and joists collapse in on themselves. Ravens, 29-24.
Monday, 8:15 p.m.
Chicago at Minnesota — The Bears are just leaky, even with their great effort in Detroit. And Chicago doesn’t get the advantage of playing a team coming off a win, considering how Minny-soda got embarrassed in their prime-time loss at Denver last Sunday. Vikings, 33-23.
Last week — 9-5, 64 percent. Season — 102-62, 62 percent.
Steve Brownlee can be reached at 906-228-2500, ext. 552. His email address is [email protected].