It’s that time of year when warm, cheery images of families and friends happily gathered for joy-filled holiday celebrations are ubiquitous. But in reality, the holidays can be tough for many, especially those who’ve experienced a loss. Lucretia Pardiñas, a licensed clinical social worker and director of programs at Tulsa’s Tristesse Grief Center, offers some advice. 

Why are the holidays particularly hard when it comes to grief?

The holidays can really hit hard for those dealing with grief, and there are many reasons why. First, there is a big emphasis on family and togetherness during the holidays, which can make you acutely aware of your person’s absence, especially if this is the first holiday without them. On top of that, there’s this societal pressure to be festive and cheerful, leaving some to worry about dampening the celebrations and holiday spirit. For some, this only intensifies feelings of isolation or loneliness. Others may find their grief magnified when the holidays align with their person’s death anniversary. This complex blend of emotions, coupled with the usual added stress of the season, can be a lot to handle when you’re grieving. 

Do you have any advice for those struggling during the holiday season?

We recommend those who are grieving during the holidays create a thoughtful and practical plan to help them cope and find moments of comfort. 

• Identify who you’ll spend the holidays with and consider their feelings about the loss.
• If involving others, schedule a family meeting and include everyone, even children. Discuss challenging traditions, share your concerns, and brainstorm ways to make them easier.
• Address roles and responsibilities that may need to change or be shared.
• Finalize your plan, consider support needs, and communicate what you can and can’t handle this year.
• Support children affected by the loss, let them enjoy the holidays without guilt and create a signal or code word for when they need a break.
• Plan how you’ll take care of yourself during tough moments, including seeking support and allowing yourself to grieve.
• Find ways to incorporate your person into holiday traditions to feel their presence and honor their memory. You can start new traditions in their honor, continue their cherished traditions, hold a candle-lighting ceremony, reserve a place at the dinner table for them, or invite family and friends over to share memories.

Pardiñas says it is important to remember grief is unique to each individual. If you find yourself really struggling, don’t hesitate to reach out to family and friends for support or consider getting connected with a grief counselor. 

For more information about Tristesse, visit thegriefcenter.org.