While no one cares about your naked body, hundreds of millions of people routinely pay to watch films with celebrities in the buff. The Onion asked celebrities what they regretted the most about filming nude scenes, and this is what they said.

“I wish someone had told me not to eat an entire spiral ham minutes before.”

“I had my clothes permanently grafted to my body in the 1980s, so getting them removed was incredibly painful.”

“Next time I’ll definitely double-check that there’s a director, lighting, sound department, and camera.”

“I probably would’ve been more comfortable if my husband had been on set, watching and jerking off.”

“I’m deeply ashamed that I made money from my nude body rather than having it leaked on the internet for free.”

“I just wish they’d shown all eight of my nipples.”

“It felt like a cheap stunt that really distracted from the beautiful message of responsibility at the heart of Failure To Launch.”

“I’ll never live down being an incredibly handsome and talented man with a huge penis.”

“I wish I could’ve shown my butthole too.”

“I’ve been wearing the same diaper since I was 3 years old and forgot to take it off before filming. It was very embarrassing.”

“I had to explain to the world why I have the Subway logo shaved into my pubes.”

“In some ways, my nude scene in Titanic is responsible for the OceanGate disaster.”

“You do one little 10-minute fully nude lesbian sex scene, and suddenly that’s all anyone wants to talk about.”

“I didn’t realize they would provide prosthetic penises. I wasted so much time making my own.”

“Portraying Malcolm X in the nude for the entirety of his life story now strikes me as historically inaccurate.”

“My only regret is that I have made several movies in which my penis was not visible.”

“The camera adds 10 pounds to your balls.”