I’m always up for a challenge. Unfortunately. Can’t say no to a broigus. Utterly incapable of responding to the faintest assertion that I am in any way weak, timid, wrong, silly, entitled, dim, underqualified, ungenerous, small, ugly or less than perfect in every possible way with anything but a “Come on, then!” and a preposterous leap into the gloves-up defence of a classical 19th-century boxer, skipping backwards and forwards in front of my antagonist, feigning blows, popping air jabs, ducking and weaving, just waiting for the bell to ring so I can launch my assault.

And it’s got me into a fair bit of trouble over the years with parents, teachers, schoolmates, bosses, colleagues, neighbours, editors, producers, viewers, readers, coppers, umpires, refs and now, thanks