Well, I’ve found the worst restaurant in the world. And, surprise, surprise, it’s German. Which is not a comment on the state of German food, because this place doesn’t serve German food. What I mean is that the Germans are so good at everything, so terrifically organised, powerful, deep-thinking, committed and brilliant, that if they are going to put their minds to making anything, like, for example, a car or a pretzel or the worst possible restaurant you could ever imagine, they can be relied upon to absolutely nail it.

And, believe me, they have. It’s called German Doner Kebab. You’ve probably heard of it. They’re everywhere. There are hundreds of them. They’re a thing. A phenomenon. And I’d been thinking that at some point