Okay, I give up. I’ve done my best. I can’t crack them. Can’t get any love. Cannot raise a smile. I’ll just write about it now, pay my respects to a dazzling menu and some incredible cooking, and that will have to be that.

I’ve been three times to Jincheng Alley, a new Sichuan restaurant in Holborn, bang opposite the excellent Shanghai Family and hard by the always reliable Sichuan Grand, and I think now that’ll have to do. A restaurant has to be more than just a filling station, and if politeness to people like me is not part of their business plan, I shall have to respect that and move on.

Because principally, of course, this place caters to the heaving new Chinese