With a new perspective, Kendra Wilkinson claims she’s “had to face demons” during her time in the Playboy Mansion, having recently been diagnosed with anxiety and melancholy.

Wilkinson appeared as a playmate in the E! reality series The Girls Next Door from 2005 until 2009. She later married Hank Baskett, a former NFL player, and launched her spinoff, Kendra on Top.

She has previously defended Hugh Hefner after former playmates revealed the stress, trauma, and even sexual assault they endured while living in the mansion. This includes substantial disclosures and charges of impropriety against the Playboy founder in A&E’s Secrets of Playboy, as well as her Girls Next Door co-stars Holly Madison and Bridget Marquardt, who have spoken honestly about their experiences on the Girls Next Level podcast.

“It’s just out of revenge, and I feel bad for Hef. But you know what? He’s an amazing human being,” Wilkinson told People magazine in 2015, two years before Hefner died at the age of 91.

She told the publication that she had gone down a “crazy regretful path” and was now thinking more about what might have caused her fear and feelings that she was “dying of depression” after being brought to the hospital in September for a panic attack.

“I was there for the partying, OK, let’s just be real. I was not there for Hugh Hefner to be my boyfriend,” Wilkinson says of her decision to live at the home when she was only 18. “I don’t really see things the same way as the other girls because Hef was never really my boyfriend. I was at the Playboy Mansion for the sake of partying, that’s what I was there for.”

The former playmate, who is now a real estate agent, married, mother of two, and wife, stated that while in the hospital, she was given the antipsychotic medication Abilify after going weeks without eating or sleeping.

“It was the lowest place I’ve ever been in my life. I felt like I had no future. I couldn’t see in front of my depression,” she said. “I was giving up and I couldn’t find the light. I had no hope.”