It was a random night during my sophomore year of high school where I received a text that would forever change the way I would view friendships. This text, sent by a person who I considered to be my best friend at the time, still weaves its way into my head every time I meet someone new.
“I don’t know why I hang out with you, it’s exhausting to be around you and to be your friend,” the text read. Reading those words, my 16-year-old self didn’t know what to do — so I stayed “friends” with this girl until we graduated high school two years later.
Throughout my time in high school, I was around people who didn’t value me as a person, and that in turn affected how I valued myself. I was able to convince myself that I was exhausting to be around and that my friends not inviting me to things was totally fair of them to do.
That attitude changed the second I walked across that stage at graduation. Gone were the days of rolling over and being made fun of for my interests and my passions. Gone was doubting myself about my energy and how I present myself. Going to college was going to change my perspective on friends, some for the best and some for the worst.
When you hang out around other people, you open yourself up to being vulnerable and allow them to see your true self. If someone directly challenges how you present yourself, it can greatly alter your mental health. The basic aspect of friends is to find a group that is going to uplift and support you, not make you feel worse about who you are.
Freshman year is the year when everyone is looking for friends, and finding people can be great or it can be rough. In my freshman year, I met some people who I considered friends, but now I can see that we weren’t meant to be around each other. That’s ok, friendships are a type of relationship; it takes work, and you can tell pretty quickly if it’s going to flourish or not. The one piece of advice I cannot stress enough is that no matter how much you try, not everyone will be your friend. Don’t force a relationship that won’t work out; it’s just going to cause more harm than good.
Friends can come into your life in the most random ways — ranging from a direct message on Instagram turned into a sweet treat partner, to a sports section introduction that became inseparable. It is hard to find friends in college, and it can feel helpless at times, but you just have to trust that everything will work out. Talk to that person sitting next to you in class, go to that club meeting and put yourself out there.
You are not less of a human being if you are struggling to find a group to be a part of. It is far more important to find the people that make you whole than forcing yourself to make them like you. Being constantly asked to change or be something different than who you are changes the way you think of yourself, and it could possibly lead you to feel more lonely.
These college years are full of people looking to meet other individuals that they can share their moments with. You deserve to share the best version of yourself with them.