Those of us looking for signs of the end of television will surely have seen the grim news this weekend that ITV plans to generate new ideas for television shows using artificial intelligence. According to the Telegraph, the broadcaster is willing to pay someone £95,000 a year to get AI to come up with “TV shows, films and digital-first content”.

Which does sound a death knell, doesn’t it? For a while now, broadcasters around the world have coveted AI as a cheap way of creating entertainment – in fact, much of last year’s Writers Guild of America strike revolved around seeking assurances that commissioners wouldn’t just hop on ChatGPT and churn out hundreds of scripts. But ITV has become one of the first to stick its head above the parapet and declare that it is actually going to do it.

Obviously, the response to this has been instant and brutal. Jack Rooke, creator of Big Boys, has said: “ITV are neglecting to realise their most successful scripted projects have always been born out of real-life human experience … ITV and their channel executives should be further investing in creative writing talent to continue developing mainstream stories for audiences, as opposed to cost-cutting in dehumanising ways.” Meanwhile, Lisa McGee, creator of Derry Girls, called the move “disturbing” and “incredibly depressing”, and Liam Williams of Ladhood urged writers to join a union to protect themselves against advances like this.

View image in fullscreen

But aside from the people who stand to lose their livelihoods, it’s just depressing for viewers, isn’t it? We live in a world that’s filled to the brim with high-quality entertainment. Given the choice between every great show ever made and some derivative half-baked format that’s been burped out by a computer, you’re always going to pick the former, aren’t you?

Great art – art made by humans – evolves. Look at television 70 years ago, then look at it now. It’s completely different, and that is thanks to writers and directors and creatives constantly, subtly nudging at the peripheries of the form. The history of television is a history of experiments. The ones that succeed help to change the entire medium. By its very nature, AI cannot do this. All AI does is chew up and vomit back an amalgam of existing work. While the use of artificial intelligence might be an experiment, the content it comes up with is anything but. It’s a mushed-up mixture of everything that came before it. Using AI to create new show ideas might be cheap, but it seems like the quickest way for the medium to stagnate to death.

That said, AI might actually be considered a minor step up from ITV’s idea-generating format at the moment, which appears to be some sort of elaborate tombola system. Tomorrow, for example, it is broadcasting shows about a TikToker doing challenges with her dad and an hour-long advertorial for Marks & Spencer so transparent that the shop’s name is in the title. If this is the best it can do, perhaps getting ChatGPT in the game wouldn’t be too bad.

In fact, you know what? I just did it now. I asked ChatGPT to come up with three new ITV travelogue ideas, and it gave me:

• Uncharted Isles With Joe Lycett: “Joe could try his hand at traditional Faroese activities, like sheep herding and rowing in traditional boats, all while weaving in his trademark humour”;

• Hidden Trails With Emilia Fox: “Emilia Fox, with her calm, intellectual presence, would explore the ancient, mountainous region of Svaneti in Georgia”;

• Lost Highways With Reggie Yates: “Reggie Yates is no stranger to confronting challenging topics and unusual destinations, so he would be an ideal choice to visit the strange, alien-like landscapes of Socotra, Yemen.

Maybe you want gameshows? I asked ChatGPT and it came up with:

• Shop’n’Swap With Scarlett Moffatt: “The contestants’ challenge is to head into a bustling marketplace or car boot sale to trade, swap or bargain their way to amassing the most valuable collection by the end of the show”;

• Mind the Gap With Natalie Cassidy: “A fast-paced trivia and puzzle show set in a fictional train station.”

You’d watch that, right? I mean, so long as you were sedated and incapable of leaving the house. You’d totally watch it.

Seriously, this stuff is a piece of cake. Sure, the ideas are terrible and they would almost certainly run ITV into the ground for ever, but if someone’s going to get £95,000 for this crap it may as well be me.