Some folks are evil, and they deserve to be punished. Unfortunately, most of us don’t have the opportunity to hand down any sort of real punishment, but it sure would be nice, wouldn’t it? What if we were able to make our mortal enemy drive a vehicle that would ruin their lives? That’s sort of what led us to last week’s question.

We wanted to know what exactly what that vehicle would be. It’s a mean, spiteful question, but I am a mean, spiteful person, so it only makes sense. We had a whole lot of great responses from you folks. Turns out, many of you are just as full of hatred as I am. I really do respect it.

There’s a little bit of everything here. We’ve got new cars that you think would suck the life out of your enemy, old cars that will cause ruinous headaches with how unreliable they are and just about everything else in between.

In all honesty, I’ve never been prouder to call myself a Jalop. With that, why don’t we take a look at the cars you would use to curse your worst enemy, and we can decide who the most evil person among us is.

An automatic Diesel Chevette with zero options. NO AC. Slow as molasses in the Arctic and during the summer they get to bake as they take forever to get to where they need to get to.

The MotorWeek diesel Pontiac 1000 review is one of my favorite videos on the internet. God, that thing is a turd.

Submitted by: Monsterajr

Utterly boring and soul sucking to drive. Terrible on gas. Terribly cheap inside.

I had so many friends whose parents had these when I was growing up. Even as a kid, I was shocked at how crappy they felt inside. I’ve never driven one, but I cannot imagine they drive well.

Submitted by: ThatVanGuy

An 80’s Subaru Justy. People who think they are cool have never been in one. Yes they made a 4WD version, but it was an absolutely crapcan in every way. A friend of mine had one so I know what I’m talking about. These gutless things are objectively terrible in every way. When my friend traded his in I asked him how much they gave him and his answer was “they took it.”

This is very mean spirited. I love it. What a sorry lookin’ vehicle.

Submitted by: mythrenegade

I don’t want the jackass to suffer, I want him to suffer.

Monstrous size, so watch Jackass constantly burst into tears since he’ll never be able to find a place to park the whale. Since EVs are murder when it comes to insurance, watch Jackass burst into tears as he pays his premium on his huge toy. Being electric, watch Jackass constantly burst into tears since the chargers he goes to will be broke, just not function or someone else is hogging the charger—”fun”!

And since it weighs over 9000 pounds, Jackass can cross a shaky bridge and have it collapse. Jackass gets badly injured due to his TPCV (tiny penis compensation vehicle) literally letting his down? How “awful”.

This car is my own personal hell. If anyone wants me to be miserable, put me in a Hummer EV, because it will suck my happiness forever.

Submitted by: the1969DodgeChargerFan

I wish my ex-wife had her 1984 ford escort wagon automatic back to her.

I like your style, brother. You get what my vibe is.

Submitted by: 4jim

Any car from the late 60s/early 70s.

AM Radio only

Heater that always blows heat – cannot turn it off. It also has a leak that makes the carpet flooring smell… earthy.

Vinyl seats, and those great big safety belt buckles that burn the skin – through clothing even.

An old fish taco under the front seat – one that just cannot be found!

3 on the tree, with no syncro on first

Backseat full of screaming 5 year olds

Manual crank windows, with the driver’s one missing so the window can’t be cranked at all.

So… as I said… any car from the late 60s/early 70s.

What did this person do to you? Why are you so mad at them? I love this for you, but damn!

Submitted by: OSpazX

You have to keep the top open at all times too. That way, everyone can see you getting carsick while stuck in traffic.

I don’t know if I’d hate having this or the Hummer EV more. Either way, both cars would make my life a living hell.

Submitted by: FijiST

1984 Hyundai Pony.

Their first North American car. Only in Canada. Should have been disposable and a whopping 70HP.

That right there is a vehicle, I’ll tell ya what.

Submitted by: ekimyllek

The person I hate the most is (was) my father’s third wife.

The car i would curse her with would be equipped as follows:

Three-on-the-tree manual transmission, because the woman could not drive a stick to save her life.

A very loud smoke alarm that goes off at the slightest whiff of a lit Marlboro Light.

Turn signals, door chimes, etc., that sound like Yoko Ono being put through a meat grinder.

Her loser junkie son and his equally loserish girlfriend permanently strapped in the back seat, begging for money, food or whatever need they had at the moment. (The asshole stole my father’s microwave FROM HIS HOUSE when my dad was in the hospital after his last heart attack.)

No air conditioning and windows that don’t roll down, because she was always having hot flashes. Besides the heat will be good to help acclimate her to the fires of Hell, where she will probably spend eternity. Oh, and vinyl seats.

And finally, photos of me flipping her the bird positioned at every angle.

Then we run the whole mess through the crusher, burn the remains, bury the ashed and salt the earth so nothing ever grows there again.

Evil damn woman….

You get the spirit of this whole thing, my friend. Good work.

Submitted by: Earthbound Misfit I

This might be a little harsh, but I’m bitter.

I owned a 2015 Chrysler 200. For the initial 3 years, it was an amazing vehicle. Great on gas, shockingly good ride, relatively reliable compared to FCA products then. I performed most of the maintenance and repairs on the vehicle saving us a bunch of money. At the time, I owned 2 vehicles. And the girlfriend at the time got rear ended in her Honda Accord. I generously gave her the 200 to drive and “own”. She drove it depsite my name in the title all the way to 2022. We got married in December 2021. Still problem free.

She filed for divorce in October of 2022 completely by surpise. Turns out she was seeing someone else on the side. Only thing she asked for was the car. I signed the car over to her in the divorce. Before I did that, out of good graces, I changed the oil and went throught the vehicle to make sure I didn’t hand her a flawed vehicle that would ensue more time in court. Even took it to a shop to get inspected. Four months after the ink was dry in the divorce, she reached out with car issues. Thermostat housing went bad, rear shock mount broke, oil pressure codes started popping up. Asking if I can take a look at it.

Guess what, it’s not my car anymore. Have fun with your problem riddled car.

Not your car, not your problem. Hell yeah, brother.

I would curse them with The Hoffman

This is a great video, but mine are better because I am in them.

Submitted by: Manwich – now Keto-Friendly

An out of warranty top of the line JLR product, they’ll look great when driving, in between the frequent, protracted, and expensive visits to their mechanic that is.

That’s just mean, dude. No one can afford to fix those cars. It would bankrupt anyone, but damn they do look good, don’t they?

Submitted by: CitronC

My enemy is quite tall so Miata is always the answer – 1st gen.

It takes a minute to realize how evil this suggestion actually is. I mean on the surface the Miata is a great little car. Then you realize how small it is which will make it uncomfortable. Next you realize their head is gonna pop off in a roll-over accident. Brutal.

Submitted by: thisismyid2

A V10 TDI Touareg so they can break down and go bankrupt fixing it.

Also anyone who has ever purchased truck nuts gets a Prius

A little twofer action. I appreciate your dedication to hatred.

A W12 Phaeton, they’d either be doomed to walking everwhere or finanical ruin

Your spelling is as bad as your ideas are good. You are a poster after my own heart. I love you.

Submitted by: Wulf92