Remember the OG home makeover series, Trading Spaces? (I had such a crush on Paige Davis). Homeowners would get, like, $40, a roll of duct tape and some spit, and they had to remodel an entire room in their neighbors’ homes. The reveals were amazing because these people had to pretend to be excited that their neighbor had replaced their drywall with cardboard that they had spray painted black and hung a sconce they found on the side of the road. “Oh my god! Thank you for letting my three-year-old contribute something personal by letting him finger-paint the floor!” It was tacky as hell, and we all knew it, just as we knew that as soon as the cameras left, those remodeled rooms turned to glitter and dust.
That’s The Morning Show, except instead of a $1,000 budget, it’s probably $25 million an episode, or more than Game of Thrones because there is more make-up and green screen on The Morning Show than there ever was on the HBO series. They insist on casting every role, no matter how small, with a major star. Do you need someone to deliver three lines? Bring in Elizabeth Perkins, goddamnit! Does someone need to pose an important question to Jennifer Aniston’s character? No random existing cast member will do. No, thank you! Bring back Marcia Gay Harden.
Why not? Scheduling conflicts aren’t even a thing on this show because I am confident everyone shoots their scenes separately and combines them in post. Julianne Marguiles and Reese Witherspoon play a couple on the show, and I couldn’t even say for sure if the two actresses have ever met each other. Every scene is an A-list television star overacting opposite a body double in a bad wig, and I love it.
This week’s episode, the penultimate of the third season, may have been the best in the series’ run. Everything is blowing up in everyone’s face all of a sudden! Jon Hamm’s Paul Marks finally took his anticipated heel turn, and my god, it was delicious. UBN is falling apart around Cory, and Billy Crudup hasn’t been this crazed since screaming, “I am a Golden God!” on a pool house roof in 1973! The close-ups on Julianne Marguiles are so tight that I can see her brain behind her eyes, and you can almost hear it repeating the same mantra, “Yes, it’s worth the paycheck. Yes, it’s worth the paycheck.” Reese Witherpoon’s cry-face is so over-pronounced and yet so devoid of emotion that I’m pretty sure they just slapped some silly putty on her face and fixed it in post. Aniston is the opposite: She keeps her lips pursed and speaks as though every word is a chore like she’s pissed they made her remove the nicotine gum before shooting the scene.
There’s no show more entertaining right now. Chris wrote earlier this week that The Gilded Age is “gloriously bad,” but it has nothing on The Morning Show. I LOVE IT SO MUCH. During this week’s episode, I cackled and cheered out loud in a room by myself. It was so much fun. Every time Billy Crudup stepped into an elevator, I was reminded of Tom Cruise in Vanilla Sky screaming for “TECH SUPPORT” while The Beach Boys’ “Good Vibrations” plays.
What happens in the episode? EVERYTHING HAPPENS. ARE YOU NOT LISTENING? The sale of UBN to Paul Marks is only days away. Stella and Bradley are trying to dig up dirt on Marks’s Hyperion to scuttle the deal. Paul Marks plans to sell UBN off in parts and start all over from the ground up with his girlfriend, Alex, running the new company. Alex has gone full villain. Holland Taylor is back (YES!), and her character is trying to buy up a lot of stock to prevent the sale of her family’s company. Laura dumps Bradley IN DRAMATIC FASHION because Bradley covered up her brother’s involvement with January 6th. “I WISH YOU HAD JUST FUCKED CORY,” Laura yells, and I fainted from happiness.
As soon as Bradley gets close to finding out what’s going on with Hyperion, Paul Marks echoes Laura’s threat to out Bradley for obstruction of justice and JOURNALISTIC UNINTEGRITY. Seconds later, Bradley pauses 2 minutes into her newscast to abruptly resign, leaving no one to fill the anchor chair. She walks on off! As Cory is trying to stop Bradley from leaving the building, he discovers there is an article in The Vault that Paul Marks planted suggesting that Cory was “grooming” Bradley. “Is it true?” Stella asks.
“NOW WHAT?” Cory asks his assistant.
“Security is on its way up. They’ve been asked to escort you out of the building.”
And that’s the end of the episode, but WAIT! I didn’t even mention that Nicole Beharie’s half-written character, who has been reduced to two minutes of screen time per episode, is going to take another job with a sports network. On the one hand, why did they cast Nicole Beharie in such a small, ultimately meaningless role? On the other hand, this is what The Morning Show does: They write huge checks for even minor roles! That’s the power of Apple money! It is the Versailles of television shows!