1. “A woman is like a tea bag: You can’t tell how strong she is until you put her in hot water.” —Eleanor Roosevelt
2. “Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down.” —Oprah Winfrey
3. “Whatever women do they must do twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily, this is not difficult.” —Charlotte Whitton
4. “I drink to make other people more interesting.” —Ernest Hemingway
5. “Wine is constant proof that God loves us and loves to see us happy.” —Benjamin Franklin
6. “When you’re in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, ‘Damn, that was fun.’”―Groucho Marx
7. “I’m not offended by blonde jokes because I know I’m not dumb. And I also know that I’m not blonde.” —Dolly Parton
9. “I like my money where I can see it: hanging in my closet.” —Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City
10. “Crying is for plain women. Pretty women go shopping.” —Blanche Devereaux, The Golden Girls
11. “The statistics on sanity are that one out of every four Americans is suffering from some form of mental illness. Think of your three best friends. If they’re OK, then it’s you.” —Rita Mae Brown
12. “My friends tell me I have an intimacy problem. But they don’t really know me.” —Garry Shandling
13. “People waste their time pondering whether a glass is half empty or half full. Me, I just drink whatever’s in the glass.” —Sophia Petrillo, The Golden Girls
14. “I don’t care what they say about me. I just want to eat.” —Pam Beesly, The Office
15. “Don’t waste so much time thinking about how much you weigh. There is no more mind-numbing, boring, idiotic, self-destructive diversion from the fun of living.” —Meryl Streep
16. “Even I don’t wake up looking like Cindy Crawford.” —Cindy Crawford
17. “I don’t trust anyone who does their own hair. I don’t think it’s natural.” —Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
18. “The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age.” —Lucille Ball
19. “Honey, time marches on and eventually you realize it is marchin’ across your face.” —Truvy Jones, Steel Magnolias
20. “You know you’ve reached middle age when you’re cautioned to slow down by your doctor, instead of by the police.” —Joan Rivers