Are you tired of making chicken nuggets for your toddler night after night? Do you worry your preschooler is going to turn into a berry after eating so many of them? Are you angry at parents on social media bragging about how their kids eat all their vegetables?

If you’re the parent of a young child who is a picky eater, you probably answered yes to all of the above. And you’re likely frustrated and maybe also worried about whether your child is getting the nutrients they need.

Worry no more, says UNC Health pediatrician Edward Pickens, MD.

“Picky eating is common and normal in toddlers and preschool-age children,” he says. “It sorts itself out over time.”

Dr. Pickens says there’s not much you can do while you wait, except make another peanut butter and jelly sandwich (no crust).

“There are hundreds of parenting books on this topic, but if something worked, it would corner the market,” Dr. Pickens says. “The number of books shows you that no method is successful, but it also shows how desperate parents are because they feel like what they’re doing isn’t working and they should try something else.”

Instead of providing tips that won’t actually make your preschooler try a bite—just one bite!—of a green vegetable, Dr. Pickens says parents should know these things to make peace with picky eating.

1. They’re getting enough to eat.

Crackers and berries aren’t enough sustenance for an adult to get through the afternoon, but they do the job for a young child.

“Toddlers and preschool kids really crave energy in the form of carbs,” Dr. Pickens says. “Fruits and carbs are the typical diet because it fuels their high-energy lifestyle.”

If your toddler or preschooler is able to run around all day and still maintain their weight, they’re getting enough to eat, even if they’re eating the same sandwich or snack over and over.

“For toddlers and preschoolers, these aren’t rapid growth years,” Dr. Pickens says, noting that you can always ask your pediatrician if you’re concerned about your child’s weight or height. “There’s not a huge difference in sizes between a 3- and a 4-year-old because it’s slow-motion growth.”

And while adults tend to divide their caloric intake between three large meals, Dr. Pickens says it’s OK if that doesn’t work for your little one.

“Three meals a day is a social construct built around how adults like to eat and socialize,” Dr. Pickens says. “Toddlers are grazers who tend to prefer little bites throughout the day, and so a lot of kids might not need anything at dinner time.”

You can still have your child sit with you as everyone else eats, because a family meal is a great way to build bonds and communicate, but there’s no need to push them if they’re not interested in the food.

2. A bland diet appeals to their senses.

Sure, it’s incredibly frustrating when a child won’t even taste a new food, but if your toddler does try it and reject it, they’re not being difficult.

“Every sensation is more intense for toddlers,” Dr. Pickens says. “Lights are brighter and sounds are louder, so taste and texture are going to be tough for them, too.”

That can go for visual presentation of the food as well, which may be why the tears start flowing when your child notices that two foods are touching each other or that a preferred plate isn’t being used.

While adults are encouraged to eat a rainbow of fruits and vegetables, Dr. Pickens says it’s OK if your child is eating a bland diet of white and brown foods (typically potatoes, peanut butter sandwiches and chicken nuggets) on repeat. By the time they start elementary school, most of these preferences will start to fall away.

Dr. Pickens says there can be exceptions to this: If you notice that the act of eating seems physically uncomfortable for your child, or if they seem truly overwhelmed by the presence of food, talk to your pediatrician. They could have a physical issue, such as acid reflux, or there might be a distinct sensory dysfunction. Some children may develop Avoidant/Restrictive Food Intake Disorder (ARFID) due to anxiety and discomfort around food.

3. You can’t win, and that’s OK.

As adults, it seems reasonable that a toddler should be able to try two bites of a delicious meal without an argument. However, toddlers are not reasonable, so Dr. Pickens says to let go of the struggle and embrace the chicken nuggets.

“With toddlers, never fight a battle that you can’t win, and you can’t win this one,” he says.

And don’t try to force a child to eat something with the promise of a reward like dessert or with a negative consequence.

“Kids at this age live in the moment, so they don’t care about a future reward,” Dr. Pickens says. “And if you say something like, ‘You have to eat this meal before you can eat anything else,’ it will be an empty threat. They will wait you out.”

Forcing the issue can create animosity around food and mealtime, and your child may come ready to argue with you at every meal. Dr. Pickens says that for little kids, it’s better to just make the sandwich and make it look like your idea, rather than something your child won.

When your child is 5 years old and older, Dr. Pickens says it’s more appropriate to try some of the tips often given to parents of picky eaters: inviting the child to help with meal planning and preparation, offering the choice of two vegetables, or insisting that everyone eat the same meal rather than making your child a separate dish. Still, it may take some kids a little bit longer to begin eating like the rest of the family, so refrain from creating ultimatums or punishments related to food.

“Parenthood is not about creating battles,” Dr. Pickens says. “When they’re school-age, you can bring them into the process without looking like it’s a negotiation about trying food. With negotiation, you risk losing the battle.”

4. You can still model healthy food behaviors.

Dr. Pickens says there’s one scenario in which a toddler or preschooler might skip the picky eating stage: if they’re never offered anything other than fruits, vegetables, whole grains and lean meats. Of course, this scenario is unrealistic for the average family.

“A hundred years ago, a snack food was picking an apple from the tree,” he says. “There were probably no picky eaters then.”

But few families want to banish “fun” food like crackers and cookies completely, and even if you did, your kid will make friends whose families don’t follow the same strict rules.

The best approach is to model a balance in your own eating, Dr. Pickens says, because your child is paying attention to what you choose and when.

“Set a good example,” Dr. Pickens says. “Keep healthy foods in the house and actually eat them—even if your child won’t.”