Holidays for some people are dreadful, not jolly, with toxic family dynamics or conflicting political beliefs. Seasonal depression, social anxiety and other mental health struggles can be common and difficult to navigate. Eating disorders are often considered shameful when it comes to the holidays.
Whether it be stuffing one’s face at Thanksgiving — a day notorious for eating beyond being full — avoiding sweet treats or receiving detrimental comments from family, eating disorders can be triggered during the holiday season. Anorexia and bulimia are both eating disorders in which a person either does not eat a healthy amount and tends to restrict food or binges and then purges what was eaten.
As someone who struggled with an eating disorder throughout high school, I still feel triggers during the holidays. Extended family members are not always the most comfortable community to lean on or open up to while trying to manage guilt, worry and stress. Family members need to acknowledge and learn that their actions can affect people — I tend to isolate these feelings when I am uncomfortable, which should not be the standard at family gatherings.
Certain aspects of the holiday season, especially toxic family members, can trigger eating disorder habits, which is an obstacle to overcome when learning how to stray from unhealthy routines. Setting boundaries which may include shutting down certain conversations or letting people know ahead of time what topics are off limits can help during times of stress. Prioritizing self-care can also help manage triggers. This may include cooking enjoyable meals or spending time breaking down harmful habits.
Open dialogue about eating disorders can happen when around a support system, but if family is not the right community to be vulnerable with, it is perfectly acceptable to skip gatherings or stick by the side of a trusted family member.
If one decides not to attend a holiday party or avoids certain people, some families may add in the guilt card. However, being pressured into staying or participating in conversations that are unhealthy should not be the norm. Absence at a family gathering isn’t selfish or rude but necessary for some who are their own support system when family members are not.
Although the holiday season is often romanticized and perceived as a beautiful time, taking care of oneself before family and relationships is beneficial to mental health struggles.
Creating self-love reminders, stepping back from toxic situations and trying to maintain healthy eating habits are necessary to cope with a current or past eating disorder. The approaches to improving mental health are still valid during the holiday season, and family should cause no exceptions or interruptions.
It is never OK for family members to comment on someone else’s weight or size, and demeaning messages do not have to be the defining factor in holiday cheer and memories. Family members from older generations may still hold body image issues, but that is no excuse to belittle someone they are related to.
Depending on where a person is at in their growth and development in terms of mental health, addressing a family member can be scary but beneficial overall. Calling people out on inappropriate comments can help in ridding family members of detrimental dialogue. If confrontation is not within a person’s comfort zone, then avoid certain people at functions and create reminders in a journal or phone to remember the beauty and confidence within.
I am always in a battle with myself because my family is my number one priority, but around the holidays, I worry I am going to receive comments from extended family that will take me multiple steps backward in the growth I have accomplished in my eating habits and self-love. However, I push onward, and have, on some occasions, confronted family members and since then have shut down conversations I do not want to have.
Anyone struggling with an eating disorder or worried about a setback should check in with themselves rather than join a negative family setting or take part in people-pleasing until all their boundaries are bulldozed over. The holidays simply aren’t worth regressing in mental health progress.